Paella for Cheapasses

Paella, a Spanish dish, = rice + stuff.

Usually you see it with mixed seafood and vegetables, although I am sure that if you were in Valencia you would find all sorts of varieties.

I was trying to figure out something to do with all this leftover fish. The day before yesterday we had grilled up a gigantic Steelhead trout, which tasted good but was too unremarkable to blog about--

(save for a momentary crisis when Teflon started flaking off our nonstick grill pan and we were for sure going to die of polytetrafluoroethylene...

...until this Go Ask Alice! article quelled our fears. Good to know, but maybe it is time to get a new grill pan.)

Anyway, there was a ton of leftover fish, but since it wasn't fresh off the grill anymore I didn't want to eat it just by itself.

Hence, paella.

Cheap Ass Paella
1/2 lb. wild caught shrimp, $2.99
1 bag live mussels, $3.99
leftover fish fillet, free
1 pack Mahatma Saffron Yellow Rice, $1.29
Then, there are a some things that I just keep on hand. Garlic, shallots, cooking wine, tomatoes, carrots, and frozen peas.

By the way, I highly recommend this brand of rice. Spanish cooking requires a lot of saffron, which is one of the spendiest herbs if you live in the U.S.
This rice is cheap, pre-saffron'd, and delicious.
Next time I want to toast the rice in a pan to get a nice nutty texture on it before it simmers. [That's a trick I learned from Bobby Flay but have not yet tried.]

First I rinsed the mussels and threw away all the open ones, because that means they're dead.
I thawed the shrimp in ice water, and then shelled n' de-veined them. That was a lot of fun and not at all disgusting.

Steamed the mussels in olive oil, then removed them to a bowl. Steamed the shrimp and did the same. Then I used the same pot of oil to brown some garlic and sliced shallots, and then made a broth out of white wine and chicken stock. Added diced tomatoes and carrots, then rice. Simmered for about 15 minutes, and then finally finished with the peas, diced fish fillet, shrimp, and mussels.

I would like to add that this is my first time cooking, or even eating, mussels.
I'm a fan.
They also come in gigantic 2 lb. bags, so I know what I'm having for dinner tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Leave your salt shaker in the cabinet

Here is one of the only recipes in the history of time that does not require salt, because instead it relies on two delicious ingredients (olives, feta cheese) to pack the flavor. Creamy, nutty, tangy and sweet What more do you need?


Pistachio-crusted chicken served on a baked orzo "risotto" cake with balsamic glaze


Ingredients
2 chicken thighs
1/4 cup pistachios, shelled
3 Tbsp. kalamata olives
parmesan cheese
pine nuts
orzo
feta
olive oil
garlic
1 white onion
chicken broth
cooking wine
lemon juice
basil
balsamic vinegar

The Chicken
Note: I used chicken thighs because I like dark meat, but they are a lot more work because it's hard to find them any way other than bone-in. Using boneless/skinless chicken breasts would have cut my prep time about in half, but I need to practice these kinds of skills. On another night where I have less time to play around with I would like to try this recipe with other kinds of meat, like strips of salmon.

1. Preheat oven to 350° F. Remove skin and bone from the chicken, trimming off any fat.
2. Roughly chop pistachios and place on a small plate.
3. Dump kalamata olives in food processor with 2 Tbsp grated parmesan and 1 clove garlic. Drizzle generously with olive oil and blend to a thick paste.
4. Spray or grease an oven pan. With a small spoon, spread a thick layer of the olive paste onto the tops of the chicken pieces, then turn them face-down onto the pistachio plate one by one to get an even coating of nuts. Lay them in the pan to bake for 30 minutes.


Orzo Cake

1. Finely chop 2 cloves garlic, onion. Measure 1/4 cup pine nuts. Heat 2 Tbsp olive oil in a large saucepan and add garlic, onion, pine nuts, and stir on medium heat for 2 minutes.
2. Add 1/2 cup dry Orzo, season with black pepper and dry basil. Stir in just enough cooking wine to barely cover ingredients, along with 2-3 Tbsp lemon juice. Simmer for several minutes, stirring constantly.
3. Slowly stir in 1/4 chicken stock, in increments to allow some simmering off of vapor each time. Frequently test the orzo. Continue until it is just barely al dente. It could even still have some crunch to it.
4. Remove from heat and pour contents into a large mixing bowl. Mix in 1/2 cup feta cheese and 1/3 cup grated parmesan.
5. Check the consistency. It should be creamy, not clumpy. If it's too thick, add a splash of each of the three liquids: cooking wine, lemon juice, and chicken broth.
6. Grease 2 ceramic soup bowls and sprinkle the bottoms with a layer of bread crumbs. Spoon orzo mixture into bowls, spreading evenly to fill each bowl to about 1.5" . Bake 10 minutes at 350° F. After cooling to the touch, remove the cake from bowl by running a butter knife around its rim and flipping it upside-down onto a plate.

Meanwhile
make a 75% balsamic reduction to drizzle on the sides of the plate.

Avgolemono

I don't know about you, but my immune system is not okay with me walking for miles in the cold rain as pollen blows in my face.
Soup is definitely in order.

They say that achieving health and wellness is more of an attitude and lifestyle adjustment than the result of isolated actions.
I know I should start eating less grease, but it just tastes so good!
Why would you take a perfectly good food and get rid of its oil, butter, and grease?!

So I decided I need to start eating more unsaturated fats...















Can you spot the saturated and unsaturated fats?

The difference between low-fat and better-fat at is a lot like the difference between good and bad vegetarian food.

Bad vegetarian food is when the person preparing it makes two versions of the exact same dish, only one is missing the meat.









Chicken salad











Burger, fresh off the grill












Bouillabaisse






That, or they will take the meat out and replace it with a vegetable.














Fact: this wrap contains approximately 0 calories. I knew I was still hungry.

I had to eat a lot of stuff like this as a kid. Cheese lasagna, a Whopper Junior without the patty, and an enormous platter of celery on the seventh-grade field trip to the Dixie Stampede (They made me eat it with my hands!). The problem is that all of these dishes start out as a balanced meal, but even attempting to make a vegetarian version destroys all possible taste and nutritional quality.

Good vegetarian food begins as its own concept, molded out of its own set of rules. It comes from a world where meat doesn't have to be the focal point. The opposite of a Cornish hen is not a piece of cauliflower. Because, well, there is no opposite of a Cornish hen.

This is where you take a leaf [I'm punny!] out of the book of those few, largely vegetarian populations (surely they have to eat something, right?)

Uh, yeah. The whole continent of Asia's got it together.

Three delicious examples:









Falafel? vegetarian.












Dal? vegetarian.



















Buddha's feast from P.F. Chang's? vegetarian.




Anyway, I'm not into the idea of cutting a whole category of stuff out of your diet, but at least in these dishes (where there was never even an inkling of killing a sacred cow) that meal is balanced around something [legumes]. There is a definite focal point that packs the protein and tastes, uh, not bad. Quick! Cover it up with spices!

More to my point, this is an analogy for the role that fats play in food.
People need to realize the difference between cutting fat out completely and using other, less harmful fats that still taste good.
Por ejemplo, the wall of shame:









Low fat frozen yogurt? That's not ice cream. Don't trust it.













Turkeys don't grow bacon. That's not even a thing.













What? Who ARE you?!?!?!?!??!!!?!? UGH!!!!!!!!!!






As you can see, taking a formerly delicious food and stripping it of the one thing that makes it palatable is a travesty.


Oh my sweet grease, I could die in a puddle of you.
If only you didn't settle in my gut and make me look 5 months pregnant.
This is why God made "good fat." This category contains a lot of things that I would probably eat anyway even if they weren't healthy.
Peanut butter. Avocados. Almonds, walnuts, pecans, pistachios, cashews. Sunflower seeds. Tuna nigiri and salmon filets. Cooking oils, including olive, sesame, peanut, and canola.




Seeing large amounts of olive oil always reminds me of the Mediterranean.
Mediterranean is probably my favorite ethnic category of cuisine, and it is often relatively high in unsaturated fats. yeeaaaaaah!




So, today I made Avgolemono, the Greeks' stab at Chicken and Rice soup (mmmmm, my cold is already better).
I bastardized Cat Cora's totally profesh recipe in a couple of ways.
First, I prepared the chicken the same way that I make tinga: shredded, rather than diced. I just like the texture better and think that the chicken gets more flavor when boiled in broth.
I used orzo instead of arborio rice.
I eliminated the leeks, because they were $5 a bundle and what am I, made of money?!
Instead, I added avocado slices. So green, so creamy and rich, avocados are a perfect complement to this fresh chicken soup.

Finally, I de-seeded and minced a cucumber, and mashed it all together with that really soft feta cheese I had left over from when I made the spanikopita. Then I stirred in dill and black pepper. It turned out like a really salty, spreadable tzatziki.
I threw a dollop on the soup for added salt and creaminess to stir in. Like adding a dollop of (full fat!) sour cream in tortilla soup.
Note to self: It was a spectacular idea to treat this like tortilla soup. Only, the next time you want to replace tortilla chips with pita chips, remember that you can't make pita chips. They always turn black, black as night. Is it that you like hearing the sound of the fire alarm? Gone, wasted, another whole package of pita.

I highly recommend this soup, especially if you're feeling under the weather. It's like chicken noodle, but revamped with a freshness to remind you that it's finally spring.

Eat My Jorts

Well, Kentucky had a good run this year even though UConn stole our national championship by 1 point. I made some cute sugar cookies for the Final Four game last weekend:

Get it? Josh Harrellson cookies. I am going to miss when Harrellson and I graduate and I no longer live in an atmosphere of constant mania caused by people who are wearing non-ironic cutoff jeans. It's like the 90's again.

Anyway, that was enough of pretending like I know anything about sports. My idea of game day food was a fillo spinach pie.
I learned how to make this dish from my mom, using her 20-year-old stained spanikopita recipe which has added deliciousness to our lives time and time again. I didn't have the recipe with me this time, so I had to work from memory.

It wasn't terrible, but I wish I had used a better quality feta than whatever was shipped to the Middle Eastern grocery story from Turkey or somewhere. It came in a carton, grossssssss you guys. Authentic, or authentically bad?

Anyway, everyone at least pretended to like the spanikopita.
Plenty of leftovers.
Now I wonder what I should do with the leftover feta cheese. Dudes, it was runny, like sour cream. That is never supposed to happen. I guess I could stir the rest of it into a dip of some kind.

Oh yeah, speaking of dip, I intended to also make pita chips. Unfortunately, I have the tendency to be very forgetful that includes a track record of boiling all our pots dry until the handle melts because I wanted to make tea 7 hours ago.
Here's how it went down.

"Did you turn off the oven?"
"Uh, yeah. Of COURSE I did. Duh, I even took out the spanikopita."
"Really? Because it smells like something burning. Will you go check?"
"Psssht. Yeah, I'll go check, but I guarantee you I turned it off."

(I leave the room and come back.)

"Yeah, TOLD you, I turned off the oven.
....
.... Just now."

(pause while everyone laughs at me)
--One hour later--

"Oh, CRAP, you guys, I was making pita chips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Threw open the oven to find my precious pita chips, now pita charcoal.
(For the record, that is not rye flour. Not even close.)

Om nom.

It's the thought that counts?
(most commonly repeated untrue statement ever.)

Well, no one is giving me the Conscientious Award, but at least I tried.