Thursday, September 15, 2011

ignore the real cooking part for one second

Guess what I just did?
I made a salad, and then I took 2,000 beauty shots of it.

Arturo Herrera, "Army of Vegetable Warriors"

How can I resist? Salad is one of the things I do best.

Having been vegetarian for the first 10/11ths of my life, (just double that fraction and you get # of years vegetarian /my age) I kinda think I know my way around a good salad.

And these days, while I certainly appreciate meat (seafood? yum. cows? yum. pork? YOM!),
I still don't really understand how to cook it.

Like that time I took home a thick slice of deli ham, cut it into squares, and then proceeded to heat it -thoroughly- in the frying pan.
In other words yes, I tried cooking something that had already been cooked.

Pre-cooked meat? What do you mean? How do you know? This is HARD!

We just all need to calm down, and make a salad.

Some people don't like salads, probably because they've been continually exposed to dried-out iceberg stalks and one paper-thin cucumber slice that needs to be smothered with a bucket of ranch before it tastes like anything.

and that is just really, really sad for the reputations of things like... mizuna, and escarole.
That's right.

Big shout-out to my salad green FACTS!

"Escarole: succulent and slightly nutty; best used with fruits, nuts, lettuces and greens of all kinds."
--as quoted on the "Salad Greens" poster that's tacked up on my wall without a frame like it's the 1997 No Doubt centerfold in Tiger Beat.


(true story.)

now, I don't have any of that shit.

But I do have watercress.

Watercress is a great idea! Spicy and delicately small, watercress is a delightful surprise in the way of leafy green vegetables.
My poster says it goes great with citrus. I will have to agree, after trying a new salad dressing recipe. Are you ready for a great one? I made it up.

1 tsp apple cider vinegar
2 Tbsp dijon mustard
2 tsp creamy horseradish
2 tsp honey
1 Tbsp lime juice
2 Tbsp olive oil
2 Tbsp chopped green onions

Mix it all up in a bowl with a fork. It's faaabulous!

Okay, now are you ready for the grand reveal of the salad? It's edgy. It's breathtaking. It's whimsical. It seems so easy, you'll wonder why you didn't think of it, and then you will slam down $1 billion to buy the copyright off me. (that's still a lot of money, right guys? wall street bitches better occupy my kitchen, cause ima be making the big bucks here in a minute.)

Here it is.

Ya surprised? Disgusted? Tickled?
Whaddaya think?

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